But first and foremost, I am a mother. I have one son (from here on referred to as DS), who is entering his teen years. He is an incredibly smart and creative boy. He has energy that keeps him busy. And, like most kids his age, loves to play video games. His wittiness amuses me to the fullest and he's a punny kid. He is my world, and he keeps my grounded. "Mommy Brain" kicks in when he is home and I am able to be the parent he deserves.
Having borderline personality disorder is a daily struggle that leaves me exhausted by the end of the day. My emotions are incredibly intense. Studies have shown those with BPD displayed heightened biological vulnerability compared with NCs. What this means for me is that when something bothers me, it REALLY bothers me. If I am sad, I feel devastatingly depressed. At the same token, when I am happy, I am the most ecstatic I have ever been in my life. So the emotional extremes can be polar opposite and change from one end to the other in a matter of minutes. People with BPD can go from mania to depressive with an ease.
To others, we are perceived as being emotional, hypersensitive or dramatic. So it can appear that way on the outside. But what you don't see is the tornado creating absolute havoc on our minds. I have created this blog to connect with other Borders and bring us as a community together. The stigma around BPD is crushing. It will only change when we create the first step. Most sufferers of personality disorders are broken children just needing someone to love them. We need to work towards being understanding of Borders constant struggle. So my hope with this blog is to bring awareness to the disorder and give insight into what it's like living with BPD.